I worked at EB Games this past summer. Most of the job was alright, but my assistant manager was a deviant, lascivious sicko, who I couldn’t tolerate, so I quit. The following is a real letter of resignation that I handed in to the store manager. No joke. All names have been changed for shame.

***** ****,
It is with regret that I must inform you of my immediate resignation from the position of customer service representative with EB Games Inc. During my employment I have spoken with you many times about certain incidents that I have had with the assistant manager, David Morris, and asked you to intervene. David has behaved in a very unprofessional manner towards me, and has made my stay with the company extremely uncomfortable. As I have reported to you, the following situations have occurred:

1. David has consistently commented on the shape and definition of my legs and his appreciation of this fact. I have asked David repeatedly to stop doing this, but he has always ignored me while continuing to stare at me and breathe heavily.

2. While I strive to get along with all coworkers in at least a civil manner, David’s constant invitations for me to watch Cher concert DVDs at his apartment or to attend “boxer-brief parties” behind Wal-Mart are intolerable and unprofessional.

3. I have often gone into the back room to retrieve merchandise for customers to find David standing in the bathroom with his pants down. When I expressed disdain for his appearance he has suggested that he was simply going to the bathroom and forgot to close the door. I have informed you that this was quite unlikely as he was almost always in an aroused state and looking at me when I entered the back room, making me extremely uncomfortable.

4. As I reported to you, the last shift that I had with David on August 20th was particularly troublesome. After working together in relative silence for the better part of two hours, David approached me behind the service desk when the store was empty of customers. I was organizing used games, when David stood close to me, placed his hand on my thigh, and asked me if I had ever been ice-fishing before. I looked up at him and he was staring at me intently. I asked him what he meant, and he said: “You know… two men just trying to stay warm together.” I told him I was leaving the workplace immediately and reported the incident to you when I got home.

As nothing had been done to correct David’s behaviour or to create a professional workplace for me, I must leave EB Games Inc. I hope that my departure will have positive consequences, in that I trust you will examine your assistant-manager’s lascivious behaviour with more scrutiny in the future so that others will not be forced to endure his advances as I have.

Regards,
****** *******

Extreme Pita’s soup of the day:

So, like, is this a soup made from vegetables with cannibalistic tendencies?

(A Victorian parlour with ornate furniture. There is a knock at the door at the back-left of the stage, in an attached foyer. A young girl walks towards the door and welcomes an older man into the foyer. They walk into the parlour and sit on a couch in the middle of the stage, facing the audience.)

CLARISSE SAPPLETON: (Five foot tall, 385 pound beast. Wheezes due to a chronic lung infection as she enters the scene. Huge sausage fingers wipe a constant flow of blood from her infected nose, and one leg is about 1.5 feet shorter than the other, causing her to shuffle in a most horrendous way. One can easily see the early effects of elephantiasis setting-in on her left arm and ‘good’ leg.) My aunt should be down any minute, Mr. Crowley. How does this day find you?

MR. CROWLEY: (Middle-aged, smartly-dressed gentleman with a posh London accent. His mannerisms are confident and assertive – this is a man of the world who knows how to comport himself) That’s all well and good, young lady. I should say I’m in rather a bit of a hurry.

CLARISSE SAPPLETON: (Oh yeah, she’s also Italian) Kill me.

I’m not sure about you, but when I watched this commercial, I was rather grossed out about the guy eating yellow snow. Obviously you’re supposed to think it’s dog piss. And when the source of the yellow snow is finally revealed, we learn that it’s not far from the truth. But I have to give Miller credit for finally accepting that Miller Lite is akin to dog piss. I guess the unspoken slogan they’re trying to achieve here is, “When you’ve got a taste for dog piss, it’s Miller time!”

I love paradoxes:

I was researching laptops on notebookreview.com, when I noticed this user review of the HP Pavilion dv5t:

Why do you need a… You know what, I don’t want to know.

“If you’ve got it, then you know what I’m talking about.”

Yes, it is very much like the famous “burning ring of fire” in that song. The song was about syphilis, and now your X-Box 360 has got it.

“What the REAL problem is:” (For a complete list of tools required, please see Appendix A)

The answer while seeming fairly obvious is in fact a very difficult procedure to undertake. The whole problem with your dysfunctional X-Box 360 is that there was a breakdown in the whole thought process for the construction of your particular model. X-Box360 engineers and programmers failed to realize that if they didn’t want their products to get a “red ring of death,” then they should not have built the console with a red light in the first place.

“Why Would you build a Red Light?”

Why would you build a red light? This is an unbelievable concept. Why would you build a product that you were preparing in advance to fail? You might as well build in a jack-in-the-box that pops out with a sign that says “you’re fucked.” After all, we are talking about Microsoft here.

“So how do I fix the X-Box 360 that I have now?”

For a complete list of steps for fix your “Red Ring of Death” X-360, please see Appendix B.

Appendix A:

- Complete X-360 manual
- Robertson Screw Driver
- “Super Glue”
- “J” Cloth
- Kleenex
- 8 liters of water

Appendix B:

- Buy a Playstation 3

Imagine you have $4399.75 burning a hole in your pocket, and you’ve got a hankering for some Cognac. Not just any Cognac, but the finest Cognac known to man – Remy Martin Louis XIII. You head to the liquor store, where you find it perched atop the highest shelf behind a glass door kept under lock and key. Your face pressed against the glass, eyes wide with desire, you fixate upon the ornate bottle that holds the elusive elixir that will finally quench your thirst. Your gaze wanders to the price tag. After a moment of disbelief, the cold, hard reality hits you – you are twenty cents short:

Yep, a 20¢ deposit on a $4400 bottle of booze. Le mao.

My uncle spotted this ad for a French Bulldog in the classifieds on thestar.com:

Curious, he sent them an email:

Is she still available? How old…? We currently have a 2 yr. old frenchie/pug and a 10 yr. old yellow lab. Where are you located? Thanks.

Here’s the first reply he received, supposedly from Darrell Tash:

You’re lucky to have mailed at this time because the puppy has just been placed on adoption by one of my customers, who went on a Missionary transfer with the West African Missionaries,to West Africa.He is giving the pup up for adoption for $400 because he cant take good care of the pup due to his busy and tight schedule at church and at his missionary work. All he wants is someone that’s homely and with a good christian home to adopt this young and lovely human best friend.” he will give the Puppy to you if you promise to take good care of the puppy. He needs a christian and caring home for his puppy because he really wants the puppy to go to a good home. If you are willing to take the puppy contact Rev.McBride as soon as possible at reverendmcbridee@yahoo.com

Regards Read more »

Team Foundation Server was being particularly ornery today and barfed up this error during a merge:

Cannot undelete … because not all of the deletion is being undeleted.

Gee, thanks for that informative error message, Microsoft. Sure made my day easier.

Oh, and in case you’re wondering what the solution is, here’s what you do: Find someone who knows TFS better than you and get them to fix it.