Take This Job and Keep It as Far Away From Me as Possible

I worked at EB Games this past summer. Most of the job was alright, but my assistant manager was a deviant, lascivious sicko, who I couldn’t tolerate, so I quit. The following is a real letter of resignation that I handed in to the store manager. No joke. All names have been changed for shame.

***** ****,
It is with regret that I must inform you of my immediate resignation from the position of customer service representative with EB Games Inc. During my employment I have spoken with you many times about certain incidents that I have had with the assistant manager, David Morris, and asked you to intervene. David has behaved in a very unprofessional manner towards me, and has made my stay with the company extremely uncomfortable. As I have reported to you, the following situations have occurred:

1. David has consistently commented on the shape and definition of my legs and his appreciation of this fact. I have asked David repeatedly to stop doing this, but he has always ignored me while continuing to stare at me and breathe heavily.

2. While I strive to get along with all coworkers in at least a civil manner, David’s constant invitations for me to watch Cher concert DVDs at his apartment or to attend “boxer-brief parties” behind Wal-Mart are intolerable and unprofessional.

3. I have often gone into the back room to retrieve merchandise for customers to find David standing in the bathroom with his pants down. When I expressed disdain for his appearance he has suggested that he was simply going to the bathroom and forgot to close the door. I have informed you that this was quite unlikely as he was almost always in an aroused state and looking at me when I entered the back room, making me extremely uncomfortable.

4. As I reported to you, the last shift that I had with David on August 20th was particularly troublesome. After working together in relative silence for the better part of two hours, David approached me behind the service desk when the store was empty of customers. I was organizing used games, when David stood close to me, placed his hand on my thigh, and asked me if I had ever been ice-fishing before. I looked up at him and he was staring at me intently. I asked him what he meant, and he said: “You know… two men just trying to stay warm together.” I told him I was leaving the workplace immediately and reported the incident to you when I got home.

As nothing had been done to correct David’s behaviour or to create a professional workplace for me, I must leave EB Games Inc. I hope that my departure will have positive consequences, in that I trust you will examine your assistant-manager’s lascivious behaviour with more scrutiny in the future so that others will not be forced to endure his advances as I have.

Regards,
****** *******