An Ear Wax Cleaner that Sucks

July 21st, 2008 by Mr. Fanrastic

For every stupid invention, there are countless stupid people who will buy into it. Take this “Ear Wax Cleaner” found on Amazon.com, for example:
Would you stick this in your ear?
At first glance, you would probably think it’s a piece of crap. And you’d be partly right. But what you may not realize is the full potential danger of this piece of plastic. You see, the Ear Wax Cleaner, contrary to its name, does not actually clean your earwax. Rather, it is a vacuum cleaner for your ear canal. That’s right. Some genius thought that he could improve on the wax-packing, eardrum-rupturing Q-tip by adding suction to the equation. Fortunately the inventor put more suck than suction into the device, and it is thankfully underpowered:

This Ear Wax Cleaner sucks because it doesn't suck!

I don’t know what’s more worrisome – that this ear-raping device was invented in the first place, or that 11 of 11 people found the above review helpful. But my favourite review is this one:

WHAT?? COULD YOU SPEAK UP? I CAN'T HEAR YOU!!!

Seems Mr. Paolino is a little hard of hearing, presumably due to all the wax that wasn’t cleaned by this device. Oops, I should speak up so he can hear me: GO SEE YOUR DOCTOR ABOUT YOUR RUPTURED EARDRUM!

For the record, and it’s sad that I have to state this, do not stick things in your ear canal! If you’ve got wax in your ear, spray some water in there when you’re in the shower. If it’s really stubborn, try mineral oil to soften it up first. Just don’t stick anything smaller than your elbow in there!

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