Manic Studio Preacher

May 19th, 2008 by Johnny

I can’t stand Oprah Winfrey. She has half of the North American population of housewives brainwashed and ready to lap up any drippings she deigns to toss their empty minds and mouths. Quite the charlatan, she has created a mysticism around herself which has duped people into thinking she has some kind of authority and/or credibility to share, and as such, many follow her every breath with cultish enthusiasm. Witness the following:

Even Oprah is astounded at how stupid her fawning studio of lapdogs have become. She said she would not be doing something, and they went nuts. Can you imagine if she had stated the opposite – that she would actually do something? The whole place would have gone up in flames, heads tossed on stakes and blood painted on bared chests, while sacrifices were performed in the parking lot. Oprah’s a dangerous gal.

Here’s something no one realized: Tyra Banks was in Oprah’s studio that day. Tyra Banks is one of them. She has been scarred by the events of that day, as are all who enter the Church of Oprah. Any shred of intelligence in Tyra’s head has been pushed out by the marketing vision of the Guru of O, and still today the poor gal can’t hear a crowd of people get excited without relapsing into the rabid, childlike state which Winnie demands of all her adherents.

Don’t let this happen to you! For the love of God – that’s God, not Oprah – stop watching the Oprah Winfrey show. Realize that you can decide which books you should read, that your children hate you because you treat them like guests on Dr. Phil, and that Oprah will not stop until the day she requests that all viewers mail in their livers so that she can feed – you know that thay’ll comply.

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8 Responses

  1. Sal

    I’ve felt the same way you do about Oprah for years. I’ve taken to just glaring at people when they mention her. Damned cults.

  2. Kittynne

    Another example of the things that women do, that make me embarassed to call myself a woman, lest I be grouped in with maniacs like this.

    By the way, wtf is the excitement about vaseline? Do the cheap costume jewelry studs glued onto the container make it exciting enough to warrant behaving like a lunatic?

  3. Mr. Fanrastic

    Holy crap. I think Oprah’s competing with the Cult of Scientology. And Tyra… I think she just needs a hug.

  4. Kittynne

    By the way … lmao at the google ads that appeared for me on this page:
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    Manic Depression
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    BipolarDisorder.HealthProfessor.com

  5. Rage

    Sometimes when i sit down to watch Opera a tear comes to my eye, as my ears and eyes are filled with the wonderful sounds coming from the television….wait….did you say Opera….Oprah…..who the hell is Oprah?….Oh that bitch?…..Fuck, I hate her.

  6. Sal

    I don’t allow google ads to display, but those are amusing, Kitty!

  7. ET

    Contraversy just adds to the popularity, I say delete this post and all its comments, least the O gets more viewers, not less!

  8. Kittynne

    Yep, that’s what happened to the Barenaked Ladies.

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