Why I Will Not Date You

May 5th, 2008 by Kittynne

More adventures in Kittynne’s online dating saga. I think I am at the point now where I no longer take it seriously. This is partially Mr. Fanrastic’s fault. He is good at encouraging me to continue talking to the douchebags and losers on the interweb, because it gives him great entertainment.

So … meet “S”.

When I first saw his picture, I was in no way attracted to him, and his profile was a little on the weak side, but he seemed nice enough, so I thought maybe he would be endearing. I decided to give him one chance.

Within the first few minutes of our conversation, I realized that his personality in no way makes up for his unattractiveness, and in fact accentuates it. If we go so far as to overlook his lack of common sense, and his extremely sheltered view of life (I suspect he lives in a bubble, and takes the experiences of his maladjusted sibling and cousins to form his view of how the outside world works), there is still something I absolutely cannot (!) overlook:

Note the blatant overuse of annoying emotes (what’s even worse is that they were animated). Most normal people I know occasionally use emotes to accentuate their point. I honestly thought that only teenagers used emotes to replace commonly-used words and letter combinations in IM conversations. Apparently I was wrong.

So, needless to say, there will be absolutely no dating, as I could not fathom spending any time with him. I imagine that if I spent any amount of time with him, I would be vomiting constantly. And while this may be a good thing for weight loss, it’s definitely not conducive to being happy. Or sane. Or sustaining life.

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