Merry Pissmass

February 25th, 2008 by Mr. Fanrastic

So I was cleaning out the garage the other day and came across an old, synthetic Christmas tree. The type that you assemble yourself, made of somewhat flexible wire. Some cats had decided they didn’t like it and pissed all over it. It was now a Pissmas tree.


So I stuffed it piece by piece into a large, green garbage can and put it out at the curb for tomorrow’s pickup. I figured they would take it because, although it was brimming over with Pissmas cheer, it was still light and not at all difficult to handle. Alongside it was placed a small, wooden basket, a large wooden light display (that some misguided person had once made in the thought that it would be a glorious vision of colour and light but upon completing it realized it was indeed a piece of crap and then sold it at a garage sale to my parents who apparently suffered from the same delusion that afflicted the creator but had the good sense to store it in the garage along with the rest of the crap where it would eventually be found and dealt with), and a regular garbage bag which was probably the heaviest item.

The next morning I looked out to see if the garbage man had done his job. Gone were the garbage bag and large wooden piece of crap. But defying all logic, there remained the small wooden basket and the Pissmas tree.


What in the fuck is this guy’s problem? Who leaves a fuckin’ basket behind, let alone a Pissmas tree? Perhaps this arsehole was extra-incompetent and thought the Pissmas tree was yard waste. Yard waste with tinsel. Fuckin moron.

You’re a garbage man. I put out garbage, you take it away. That’s your fucking job. DO IT.

You don’t want to do it? Fuck you then. You’re going to do it whether you like it or not.

So I took the Pissmas tree up to the public garbage box on the corner and stuffed it all in there. This is one of those newer, stainless steel jobs with three compartments for recycling, organic waste, and garbage. I filled the garbage compartment right to the top. There was even Pissmas tree poking out of the flap. I would have loved to see the look on that bugger’s face when he opened up the garbage box.


Me: 1.
Garbage Man: 0

Tags: ,

3 Responses

  1. Kittynne

    dude, wtf is with the Christmas theme?

  2. Rage


  3. A Geek

    You sound really xmassed off man!

Leave a Comment

Please note: Comment moderation is enabled and may delay your comment. There is no need to resubmit your comment.