Astronomers Discover Quantum Fissure in Uranus

December 16th, 2007 by Mr. Fanrastic

HOUSTON, TEXAS – Astronomers announced today that they have discovered a quantum fissure in Uranus. The exact nature of the fissure is not yet known, and there is much speculation about the consequences of such a find.

It has long been known that Uranus contains a large amount of methane gas in its outer atmosphere. But with the discovery of the quantum fissure, it appears that the methane gas is now being ejected into space.

Astronomers are split on exactly what the long-term effects will be, but the general consensus is that it does not look good. Some speculate that given enough time, Uranus will become shrouded in a dense methane nebula, which could eventually spread and wreak havoc with nearby planets.

Other astronomers theorize that the expulsion of volatile gas is only the first stage in the development of the fissure. They fear that, in time, dark matter may emerge from the abyss. Furthermore, there are concerns that the dark matter may become entangled in nearby cosmic strings, which would just make a mess of the whole thing, and require a tedious swabbing.

Yeah, it’s a metaphor. Poop is funny.

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